to keep my life

from taking over my mind

Yet,

circumstances being such as they are

tend to pile up like

the dirty dishes that nobody wants to wash.

I struggle with my feelings and my emotions

like everyone

but I FEEL

so strongly

about

love,

relationships,

conflict

and

pain.

I struggle with keeping people

too far away from

my heart

Trusting them not to crush it

Allowing them to help me

Even to demand that some people help me.

I struggle in my marriage

as I feel like

I have been snuffed

my soul is starving

for intimacy

for legitimacy

for validation

If people indeed

are not static

where does one draw the line

and demand accountability

for the actions that are hurtful and painful

The body ages

but the soul can either

grow or starve to death.

You have impressed me with

your mind

your prowess

your intelligence

your tenacity

your loyalty

your strength

-yet-

with all of these fine qualities

you still

have managed to focus on the

negative aspects

of your powerful nature

your control

your pride

your self

your command

your superiority

your entitlement

-all the while-

lacking in the emotional maturity

necessary

to complete me

to satisfy me

to be my soul mate

-and so-

I wile away the hours

agonizing over you

and wondering

if ever one that I have loved so much

would be able to change

to soften

to submit

to love

to learn

to nurture me

to fulfill my needs

and I know that deep down

it is the hardest struggle of your life

to love me more than yourself.

has been dragging her heels

as the leaves drop with regret

and the frost has just only

grazed the skin, lightly.

But like a persistent lover,

the Winter cajoles

he nags

he begs

he wins

as Autumn finally succumbs to his advances.